As February begins each year we suddenly start to feel very romantic as Valentine’s Day approaches. Deep down we all want to know how to be more attractive to our partners yet we often run out of ideas. Before looking any further, let's look at the meaning of Valentine's day which may offer some clues perhaps on how we can be more loving partners?
VALENTINES DAY MEANING
Valentine’s day is an old tradition, with its origins dating back to Roman times, Valentine’s Day, also called St. Valentine’s Day, holiday (February 14) was when lovers expressed their affection with greetings and gifts. The holiday has origins in the Roman festival, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring and included the pairing off of women with men by lottery. (https://www.britannica.com/topic/Valentines-Day) But it wasn't until more than 200 years later that 14th of February was proclaimed St Valentine's Day.
Nowadays, Valentine's Day is most commonly associated with romantic love, Valentine's Day cards and gifts of flowers or a single red rose being exchanged. Whether you’ve spent many Valentine’s Days together or this is the first one, figuring out how to woo a significant other has been a focal point of the occasion for decades.The day however exciting and romantic does not give us a full understanding on long term great relationship success.
Sadly, there is also a trend surrounding this special day of break ups as couples tend to split up a in the weeks after 14 February. “We tend to see a rise in break-ups around the holidays because they often push couples to pause and ponder the state of their relationships," Licensed Clinical Social Worker Alexis Auleta . Simply said- holidays can equal big pressure.
“We tend to see a rise in break-ups around the holidays because they often push couples to pause and ponder the state of their relationships," by Licensed Clinical Social Worker Alexis Auleta
Valentine’s Day can definitely be an annual show of your love and affection but why not do it all year round. You’ll have a much happier, healthier relationship if your actions and words convey your love, care, respect, devotion and genuine friendship every day. To do this we need to be good partners to one another, but what does it mean to be a good partner?
WE ALL LOVE A GOOD PARTNER - 5 WAYS YOU CAN BE A GREAT PARTNER AND INCREASE YOUR ATTRACTION
A good partner goes beyond looks, charm and success but rather we get attracted to certain qualities or traits that complement one another. We are also each better at different things. Together we have more of the parts required for a good successful and rewarding life. These characteristics that you both bring to the table make any relationship likely to be a lasting success, as long as we do not forget the value of our differences.
1. INCREASING POSITIVITY
You are likely already aware that cultivating positive thinking has a profound effect on your general well-being, but you might not have considered that it may impact the way that you connect with others.
Positive thinking can influence and boost your relationship, especially for those who have been together longer. They say “familiarity breeds contempt” and whether we like it or not, sometimes in relationships that is true. Don’t allow destructive thoughts about what your partner’s actions on Valentine’s Day “mean” about your relationship. When you’ve been with someone for a while it’s all too easy to focus on all the things they do that annoy you. Positivity means choosing to look at the good in your partner.
Remember when your partner may have spent their weekend finishing that project instead of resting? Or when your partner looks for your keys when they go missing and finds them for you. Instead of keeping a record of their shortcomings fill your mind with their kindness and love they have shown to you throughout the time you’ve known them.
Choosing positive thoughts will make you grateful for having your partner and your relationship will be more successful making your attraction stronger and you both find constant support.
2. LOVE IS ABOUT UNDERSTANDING
The happiest couples have the best understanding of their differences. "Each partner has a subjective reality that is valid," relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala says. "Just because you don’t agree with your partner doesn’t mean that he or she is wrong. Their perspective is just different." Instead of jumping to conclusions and jumping all over your partner, try a little tenderness. "You can be a better partner by trying to understand your partner and then validating their point of view, feelings, behaviors, etc.,"
Understand what they are saying and decide if you agree later as it is important to listen. Try not to formulate your responses as you’re listening to your partner during discussion. When your partner feels understood, they will naturally reciprocate with curiosity about what you think and feel and you’ll have an opening to share your perspective. Focus on finding common ground and you will both become more magnetic towards each other.
Be happy not right.
3. GIVING ASSURANCE TO EACH OTHER
People want to feel love and respect not just at the beginning of a relationship but for the whole time being together– yes for eternity, that is the dream. A relationship for most is a lifetime commitment.
Assurance in a relationship isn’t what you say, it is what you do. It's making a commitment that amidst all the challenges in your relationship, you still choose to be with each other. Many people forget that even though the relationship has been going on, romance should always be felt by both sides. It is part of the commitment you first made. It's what makes you being 'in a relationship' unique from other human relationships you have.
You may believe a perfect life is no disagreements at all, however how is that even possible, is that setting yourself up to fail? We come together as we provide different things to the relationship so we can expect to have differences in our thinking along the way. The classic example is thoughts on children, the classic father role and the classic mother role are inherently different and both important and there are many others, So why fight are not both perspectives important?. A mother's role is to fully support and a father's role is to challenge, either on its own is failure for the child however receiving both means your child gets to grow to a healthy adult that has been both supported and challenged. They will not be bored, they will know the path to life and they will not be burnt out.
Romance doesn’t mean grand gestures of love but a daily assurance that you are committed to only one person. It can be in a form of daily love notes or text messages throughout the day, a single stem flower picked from the garden that is not attached to any occasion. Perhaps some warm lingering hugs while speaking out your admiration for your partner. After all, we all want to feel seen and loved.
Remember that it's normal to be worn out at times, but consider this as an opportunity to be more creative in showing your love and your appreciation and to help each other.
4. INCREASING OPENNESS AND HONESTY
Healthy and satisfying relationships are often grounded on clear and open communication. Being honest in expressing what we want, likes, and dislikes is how we cultivate and nourish our relationships. We prefer to receive effective communication—not hints, tests, or games.
As they say, say what you mean and mean what you say. A good relationship means no one is guessing or expecting their partner to read their mind. Show your rough edges as there’s no need to pretend and be perfect. Anyone who loves you deserves no less and being open will lead to some of the best interactions possible in your relationship.
5. SHARING OF TASKS
One of the most important aspects of a happy & healthy relationship that couples often overlook is the benefit of sharing tasks. One of the common mishaps is that if you haven’t been sharing things equally that one of you feels that your respective contributions to the household are equal while the other one feels burdened by the share of tasks.
And this unequal share of tasks can set the stage for resentment and loss of attraction on the part of the partner that contributes the most and lead to feelings of shame and worthlessness on the partner who is less involved with household tasks.
Another interesting result of the study is that in some cases, partners are happier when they share a chore. Even men who shared the household shopping equally with a partner were happier than both men who did the majority of the chore and men who bowed out of it.
It has been proven that high relationship quality stems from shared experience; it might be washing the dishes, grocery shopping, throwing trash or budgeting. As they say, Teamwork Does Make the Dream Work.
Special days such as Valentine ’s Day make one ponder the quality of the romantic relationship one has. It also sparks us into action to show our love and affection. The above 5 insights if followed will change the quality of your life during the entire year and will certainly make each Valentine’s day the more special. I hope before you ask yourself, ‘Is this relationship worth celebrating?’, reflect back and remember the reason you met and feel the difference for having your partner. Having a partner who compliments you and you compliment them is already a cause for celebration.
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